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Cause Of Russia’s Tragic History Revealed
Tuesday, 27 May 2008MOSCOW (Passport) — Historians, philosophers and novelists have for centuries struggled with one of the great questions of mankind: Why did Russia veer so tragically away from the democratic path of the rest of Europe?
The answer, according to recent archeologist findings, is that Russia is built on an ancient Indian burial site, one which was never supposed to be disturbed.
“When Prince Rurik founded Russia, he foolishly decided to build this state on the sacred bones of dead Lakota Sioux Indians,” explained Dr. Sha Gui, who headed a team of archeologists mapping out Russia. “By violating those bones, the ghosts of these Indians cursed Russia with 1000 years of ‘sovereign democracy.’”
Yuri Trutnev, the Minister of Resources for Russia, agreed with the findings. “It is Russia’s curse, and Russia’s fate. The only way to undo this curse and appease the Indian spirits is, of course, to nationalize the sacred land that is currently held by Shell, BP-TNK, and other foreign companies,” he said. “While it grieves me to have to nationalize these sacred oil and gas deposits currently owned by our Western friends, I’m afraid we must respect the Indian spirits, or pay the price. Because you know, those Indian spirits—really scary stuff. I’m talking pets coming back to life, cars that drive on their own, rigged elections—brrr! It’s really…you know, frightening.”
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